I’m Going Corona Crazy
My dad, who works at a grocery store in another state, asked if I needed him to send me any food or supplies for my house. A very kind gesture, but as a healthy young woman, I didn’t think it was necessary. I told him I could use a few spare rolls of toilet paper since my hunt for a pack of even the thinnest-ply was unsuccessful, and he insisted upon also sending me the store’s last cups of mac n’ cheese, and some pretzels he remembered me liking.
Even after reassuring him that I’d stocked up on plenty of microwave dinners and ramen cups earlier in the week, he asked four more times if I needed anything else before proceeding to check out.
I knew my dad was a worrywart, and I’m sure working amidst the chaos all day makes him even more on edge, but his fear of me somehow running out of food and being unable to leave my lonesome apartment is feeling more and more like a realistic concern.
As of Sunday evening, Californians are still allowed to leave their homes for essentials like food, medicine, and health care, but are asked to maintain a safe social distance by staying six feet away from others. Gov. Gavin Newsom predicts that over half of the state will catch the coronavirus, and thus is unsure of how long residents will be required to stay at home. Because of this uncertainty, tensions are high and my anxiety is even higher, leading me to panic rather than be productive while stuck in bed all day.
Being the daughter of a worrywart and someone with an anxiety disorder, times of extreme uncertainty are particularly difficult for me. Consistency and control are two things I actively seek to ease my nerves, therefore the idea, let alone reality, that our nation’s leaders know as little as I do about curing a global pandemic is utterly horrifying.
Despite my mind telling me otherwise, I am in no way alone in how I feel. A new poll by the American Psychiatric Association shows that 48% of Americans feel anxious about the possibility of getting COVID-19 and 59% feel the coronavirus has had a serious impact on their daily lives so far.
Personal finances as well as the global economy have taken a huge hit to many individuals and small businesses, causing two-thirds (68%) of Americans to worry more about the long lasting impact this will have on their lives. This is a trend witnessed in past recessions, where depression and suicide rates increase with the rise of unemployment and other new financial burdens.
Being a financially independant college student living paycheck to paycheck in order to pay my rent, the possibility of my employment being effected because of this outbreak made me feel especially uneasy for a few days. Grateful that my job on campus would continue to pay me for the rest of the semester, I now must work even harder to figure out how to work remotely. Thus, my sleep schedule is ruined, my motivation to continue school online is nonexistent, and my urge to binge-eat my mini-stockpile of crackers and granola bars is growing stronger as the days go on.
As spring break comes to a sour end, I’d still rather do nothing but lay in my bed, play sudoku, and get high all day. Part of me feels guilty, as I am still healthy and fully functional, yet I don’t have any desire to do anything. I feel guilty knowing that people like my dad are still out there working, trying to maintain their usual bi-weekly incomes while the world collapses around them. I feel like I should be doing more to stop the spread of the virus, almost as if I should be out fighting crime or informing people of what I don’t know. Yet, I know there is nothing more effective that I can do than stay home and practice social distancing.
Part of me is relieved, surprisingly, as it seems like people are actually doing their part by staying home to prevent the spread of the Covid-19. Living right off of Reseda Blvd, there are constantly sounds of cars honking and tires screeching as there are too many people on the road. However, this past week, sitting on my patio has never sounded more peaceful. Traffic has lightened significantly with fewer people going into work or traveling to see their friends.
Texts from family members, updating me on their social distancing practices is reassuring as well. My grandpa rarely texts, but the corniness of this meme made my anxiety lessen for a short moment in time (the man doesn’t have social media how did he find this?):
Yet with all of this going on, school is still in session. Moving classes to online for the remainder of the semester is going to take a toll on many of us; since finding the motivation to go to class under normal circumstances is often a cruel and unpleasant process. Hopefully professors will be understanding, more lenient given the increasing and unwarranted anxiety we are facing outside of our academics.
Update (3 days later): My pantry now has 12 more cups of mac n cheese, 48 granola bars, two giant bags of pretzels, some fruit snacks, Goldfish, a roll of paper towels, and five more rolls of toilet paper thanks to my dad’s panic purchases.
